Welcome back!
Here is my much overdue blog update!
It's been a bit of a rollercoaster week since my last blog. Tuesday I went out for a run and found it so difficult; I didn't go to the coast, I thought I would be able to manage just by going for a quick run around the street where I live, but the pollen count yet again was very high and I found it very hard to breath. I struggled, and near my last half mile I was wondering why I thought I could do this? Why was it a good idea? What was I thinking? I'm not a runner!
On Wednesday I had planned to go for a run but I felt a strong pull in my left calf again so I thought it was wise to not run and do some stretching instead! I was right, it was a wise move! I needed to get back into the right frame of mind.
Friday, I came home from work early to be able to go up to the coast, though it was so hot I ended up waiting until it cooled enough to go for a run. I was rally pleased with this run, I actually started to believe I can do this again, I completed 2.66 miles in 33 mins! That was an average pace of 12 mins and 55 second average pace! I really have started to believe in myself again!
Then Sunday brings me to my long run. now let me just first of all set the scene. Its 6:30pm, sunny, blue skies, about 21 degrees... conditions for running? Yeah if you want to have the worst run of your life!! Haha! In honesty, I jest - it wasn't actually that bad.... ok it was bad. I'm not selling it well am I?
It was successful, it was a slower one but in that heat I didn't want to push for a time. I did a very steady 5.14 miles in 1 hour 13 mins. I was very pleased my boyfriend came with me too, just pushing me that little bit further than I normally would especially in that last mile!!
I'd like to move on to a more serious note, the reasons I'm running in aid of Mind.
My good friend Rachel Mewes has been very kind to share with us her experiences with Bipolar Disorder, please read her story:
My name is Rachel and I have Bipolar Affective Disorder. Bipolar is a mental disorder that means your mood can fluctuate drastically between periods of extreme depression and mania, which I would describe as being very hyperactive and excited. It also creates problems for me, such as obsessive compulsive tendencies, paranoia and a lack of short-term memory.
I was initially diagnosed with Clinical Depression by my GP, eight years ago, and prescribed antidepressants. Since then I have been on ten different types of anti-depressants. Some of them help with the periods of depression, but unfortunately can often exacerbate the periods of mania. After being referred to a psychiatrist at St. George’s Mental Health Hospital I have been given the correct diagnosis and medication consists of an anti-depressant combined with a mood stabiliser.
It’s been a long journey to get to this stage, with many ups and downs, just like bipolar itself I suppose. One of the main problems with getting treatment for this illness is that I would take my medication during a depressive period, but when I swung towards mania I would feel invincible and stop taking them. Therefore, doctors would never see the ‘manic’ side of my depression. Who needs to go to the doctors when you’re on top of the world?
How do I describe what it’s like living with Bipolar? The depressive side of the illness drains me of energy. I become exhausted and want to sleep twenty-four hours a day. I have no interest in anything I would normally enjoy and can’t concentrate on any activity. My brain seems to slow down and even stop and I am unable to carry out everyday tasks, like cooking a meal. If the low mood is particularly bad I find that I have no hope of ever feeling anything but sadness and despair and feel suicidal. Once, during a very bad patch, I was unable to control these thoughts and I did attempt to take my own life. After a short spell in hospital and a lot of support from the Mental Health Crisis Team I managed to start getting better and am still improving.
The manic side of the illness is like being super excited and hyperactive, similar to how you felt as a child on Christmas Eve. I have butterflies in my stomach and can’t stay still. I talk quickly and everything is done faster. It’s not all good feelings though, as I have a sense of claustrophobia and feel jittery. I don’t sleep much when manic and eat very little. I have been described as ‘climbing the walls’ when I’m manic. It seems to change my personality and I find myself watching the way I act as if from another’s eyes. I do things that are out of character and feel like a super hero. The problem with this is that when I am feeling stable and somewhere in the middle of the two moods I crave the adrenaline rush of the mania.
Bipolar is a difficult thing to live with. It has meant I have struggled to stay in employment consistently, therefore creating financial problems. I make decisions when manic that are unwise and have therefore lived in a range of places, never settling for long. Yet, I have found that as I get older I am coping better with my illness and managing to exert some control over my wayward brain, with the help of my boyfriend, family and friends.
I know how lucky I am to have such brilliant people around me to help me through the difficult periods. I know I can be ‘hard work’ at times, yet you all make allowances for me. My Mam and Dad have been, and are, unfailingly supportive through everything. Elliott is a constant source of stability and comfort, helping to reel me in or raise me up as needed. My friends remind me that life is for the living and stop me from dwelling too much on my issues. Thankyou all for accepting me for who I am and sticking by me, through thick and thin, I hope you all know how important you are to me.
You help me remember that Bipolar does not define me. I am still Rachel.
Finally, I am so glad Chrissy is running for Mind. There is still such a lack of awareness towards mental illness and disorders, but I think that it may be improving through the work of such organisations and people like Chrissie who increase understanding. Just because someone looks well doesn’t mean they are and I think people find it hard to understand how illness can be invisible.
We need less of the tip-toeing around mental illness and more openness towards discussing how to get better. Keep running, Chrissy, and Thankyou for the opportunity to share my perspective on Bipolar.
Much Love
Rachel
xxx
Thank you Rachel for sharing with us your view point of Bipolar. It really makes you realise that from the outside, most of us only ever see the recovery side of someone suffering from any mental illness. The part where the medication if doing its job and they are feeling stable. During the low parts, like a lot of people, they are spent alone. Isolated. Most people just say 'Get over it'. It's not like a bottle of split milk.
I remember how upset I was the day I was told to to 'get over' hayfever! I can't imagine being told to 'get over' a symptom that can't be seen - (in my case it's heard from a great distance) I firmly believe the key to support is understanding everything about mental illness and talking to someone that helps you realise it's more than just the blues.
Even as a close friend of both Rachel and Kelly, I didn't know the full picture; and both have told me they found it very therapeutic to write their stories.
More updates to follow very soon!
Thank you so much for reading and until next time...
Please support Mind and sponsor me by visiting www.virginmoneygiving.com/chrissyrunsin2013
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To find out more about Mind you can by following this link www.mind.org.uk
Just keep running, Just keep running!!!
Thanks for checking in!
Chrissy
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